Dirty Candy
by TheMistressOfMasks
Summary: "Out of all the people... in the Host Club... who'd have thought that MORI-SENPAI was the one with the dirty mind!" The twins cackled.   Rated M for innuendo, just to be safe. No, this is not smut.


It was a normal day in Music Room #3 at Ouran High. As usual, girls were packed into the room by the dozens, fawning over ~ and _being_ fawned over by ~ the incredibly handsome Host Club boys, who seemed to exist only to make them blush and squeal. Only Haruhi, the Host Club's newest recruit (who was also a girl) seemed a little out of it; but that was probably only because Tamaki, the prince, was ordering her to run to the supermarket _yet again_ for more "commoners' coffee."

"Go, my darling daughter, go!" he positively sang. "I have yet to show Princess Yukie the splendor that is instant coffee ~ go, and Daddy will give you a treat when you get back!"

A dark cloud lurked in Haruhi's wake as she grumbled her way out of the music room. "Damn these rich people…"

Apart from Haruhi's gloominess, though, the others seemed to be having the time of their lives. The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, were getting caught up in their "forbidden twincest" act to the great delight of their customers. Kyouya was raking in the cash with his newest merchandise: T-shirts with the faces of the Host Club plastered across them amongst gaudy rose designs. Mori, stoic as always, watched over Hunny as he gobbled down cake with disturbing speed and jabbered away to his designators, who raised a shrill cry of "KAWAIIIIII!" after almost every sentence he spoke.

And then, it all went terribly, horribly wrong.

Hunny-senpai, who was still stuffing his face with cake, looked over at one of the girls surrounding him and declared in his baby-ish voice, "I'm almost out of sweets! Do you have any more?"

The girl looked stricken. "Oh no… I'm sorry, Hunny-senpai, I don't!" There was a collective gasp from her companions.

Hunny stuck his last forkful in his mouth and then looked down at his empty plate. Slowly but surely, his eyes filled with tears. "But… I'm out of cake, and Kyouya-chan said he wouldn't buy any more today!" Hunny looked frantically up at the girls. "What am I supposed to do? I really want more sweets…"

All the girls could do was look around nervously at one another. If Hunny were to throw a fit, who knew what dangers awaited…

But then suddenly, Hunny's face brightened. "I know! I know where I can find sweets! Can I look under your skirts?"

The room went dead silent.

Every female in the room looked at Hunny in shock.

Obliviously blissful, Hunny blundered on. "I read in Takashi-chan's book that girls have something sweet under their skirts, like candy! It was in a book; it must be true, right, Takashi?" Hunny turned innocent eyes on Mori, who was wide-eyed and frozen in his chair. "You wouldn't read a book that lied, right? In the book the man was licking the girl's candy. Is it like a lollipop or something, Takashi? I like cake better but… lollipops are good!"

Before he knew it, all eyes had turned on Mori with an entirely different expression… a _death glare._

Mori turned a dark shade of red. "… Mitsukuni… shh."

There was an outburst from one corner of the room ~ the twins were beside themselves with laughter, tears of hilarity streaming down their cheeks in rivers. Hikaru slapped his knee violently.

Gasping for breath, Kaoru started: "Out of… all the people… in the host club… who'd have thought…"

"MORI-SENPAI… was the one… with the dirty mind?" Hikaru finished, and their mirth tripled.

The girls who had visited the host club that day, however, were not amused. All of them narrowed their eyes at a mortified Mori, whispering things like, "How disgusting!" and "How DARE he expose Hunny-senpai to such raunchy literature!" One by one, they all got up and filed out of the room, noses in the air in a clear display of offense.

Eyes large, Haruhi, who had returned with the groceries, stood in the doorway and watched them go. "What _happened_ in here?" she inquired incredulously.

Blunt as always, Kyouya piped up. "Hunny-kun referenced some of Mori-kun's choice literature and scared all the guests away," he murmured, scribbling something down on his clipboard. "He said something about girls having 'candy' hidden away under their skirts. Hunny-kun didn't understand the innuendo, but unfortunately, all of today's girls did." His glasses flashed. The twins' laughter began anew.

Haruhi's expression remained thoughtful. "But… if _they_ understood the implication behind that when even Hunny, a third year ~ albeit an innocent one, though he's smarter than we all think ~ couldn't, then aren't they to blame for this as well?"

Tamaki looked up from the corner of mushrooms that he had retired to when the girls left. "Haruhi… explain yourself?"

"Well, if they understood what it meant, then they must have read something similar in order to even comprehend that." Haruhi shrugged. "If they hadn't, they probably would have taken it like Hunny did, assuming that there was candy in a pocket inside their skirts or something."

The color drained from Tamaki's face as he realized that by coming up with such a theory, Haruhi must be guilty of dirty reading too; but the others didn't seem to care. Especially Mori, whose usually expressionless visage was showing infinite gratitude towards Haruhi at that moment.

"I think the easiest solution to this would be to keep your books _out_ of Hunny-kun's reach from now on," Kyouya concluded, closing his laptop and putting it in his bag. "Don't let it happen again. Oh, and the money lost from today's sale will be put on_ your_ tab, Mori-kun." He walked out of the room.

_He really is the Shadow King_, everyone in the room thought simultaneously.

"Mitsukuni…" came the mumble from a still-scarlet Mori, "we're leaving." Mori picked up Hunny and exited the room, Hunny waving cheerfully at the rest of the Host Club over his shoulder, happily ignorant.

On their way out, Mori looked at Hunny knowingly. Hunny's head was drooping, and, yawning, he snuggled into Mori's chest for a nap.

"You knew what was going to happen that whole time, didn't you… Mitsukuni."

Hunny smiled tiredly. "Well, I was sleepy, and I could only sleep if the girls left, right? And you were the one who left your book lying around, Taka-chan. It was there for anyone to pick up." Hunny closed his eyes. "It was a good excuse. You're not mad at me, are you?"

Sighing, Mori shook his head. "Just next time… not at my expense, please."

"Okay, Taka-chan," came the muffled response, and Mori looked ahead, walking them home.

Funnily enough, no one realized the same connection that Mori had when, the next day, Hunny deviously pointed out the used condom he had found in the twins' room and asked sweetly if the substance inside was frosting.

**A/N: Well, it's not my first-ever fanfic, but it is the first I've ever published on here. And I've never done an Ouran one before… though this is just an idea that popped in my head. Nonetheless, what do you think?**


End file.
